Off Balance

A few weeks ago, I was on fire. I had just re-launched our Smile Minded Smartbits blog with a series of posts. These posts were an outgrowth of a survey I conducted of non-profit and agency leaders I know and have worked with as a consultant and as a community volunteer. The blog was starting to pick up steam, particularly on LinkedIN with a growing readership that had a reach beyond those in my circles.

Work with clients was also picking up with new projects and strong conclusions to projects wrapping up. I had shifted more of my attention to how to build Smile Minded as a strong resource both online and face to face.

Then life hit. First, the time table on travel with my high school daughter to explore potential colleges moved up when there was an opening in my client schedule of meetings and deadlines. My daughter was sick during the trip so naturally the upper respiratory infection hit me shortly upon return. A few days later, my son lost a dear friend to suicide. My priorities shifted.

Many of us struggle with what we have come to term “work-life balance.” It was one of the many issues that kept those non-profit and agency leaders I interviewed up at night. It is one of the issues I am asked about by both beleaguered leaders who have worked in their respective field for decades and younger leaders who are just hitting their career stride. Whether you are a parent, married/partnered, or single. Whether you are in your 60’s or 20’s, you have faced at some point priorities that seem to compete with work. Work-life balance (and the debunking of it) are popular search terms in Google and there are hundreds of articles, Ted Talks, and books addressing language and models around work-life balance. Grappling with our competing priorities is a part of our modern world.

I lean toward envisioning life as a process of ebb and flow. In a few weeks, this blog will continue the exploration of collaboration, but we will also look more closely at the myth of balance and some ways to deepen our understanding of and align our lives to match what matters to us as individuals, organizations, and communities.


In the meantime, take a moment today to breath deeply and notice five things. One for each of your senses. What are you seeing, hearing, smelling, touching, and tasting right now? Be present for just this moment. In doing so, your next few moments may be just a tad easier.

The flipside of collaboration: when does groupthink lead to bad decisions?

How often have you been working with a team or with a collaborative of organizations and been surprised by the end of a meeting with the direction it has gone or that it hasn’t really gone anywhere? How often have you been in a team or collaborative and not felt heard? How often have you not heard others?

Humans have been working together to solve problems, create new things, and explore our surroundings for our entire history. So why is it such a struggle? Susan Cain in her book, Quiet: The Power of Introverts argues that in the last century or so, we have bought into a belief that a particular type of personality and way of working together is ideal. And part of that ideal is a belief in collaboration above individual contributions.

Shawn Achor (who’s thought leadership we have explored in a previous post) in his second book: Before Happiness, suggests that the first person to speak generally sets the tone. Susan Cain, concurs and argues that when groups work together, we tend to fall into what she terms the New Groupthink.”The New Groupthink elevates teamwork above all else. It insists that creativity and intellectual achievement come from a gregarious place.” For a quick introduction to this concept, check out this 2012 NYT Sunday Review by Susan Cain.

Cain argues that this New Groupthink is subject to the same failures some psychologists have noted in group brainstorming including social loafing, production blocking, and evaluation apprehension.  Production blocking is similar to Shawn Achor’s argument that the first person who speaks sets the tone. Only one person can talk at a time. Social loafing notes our tendency to abdicate our responsibility when others speak up, and of course most of us fear looking foolish in front of others which some psychologists term evaluation apprehension.

In a group setting where decisions are being made, we have a tendency to follow the answers of others. Gregory Berns at Emory University updated a classic study of groupthink using fMRI scanner to study subjects’ brains when they conformed to or broke with group opinion. They found that when we solve problems on our own, we use the parts of our brain that help us to solve that problem (in this experiment, occipital and parietal cortices for visual and spatial reasoning and the frontal cortex for decision making).

When we solve problems in groups and collectively come to the wrong answer, one would think that our frontal cortex (decision making) would light up more than our occipital and parietal coritices if we were consciously just going along with the wrong answer. What they found though was that our occipital and parietal cortices lit up as well. In other words, our perception of the problem changes to fit the group’s perception. This happens without us consciously deciding to go along with everyone else. Our very understanding of the issue and the solution change based on what one or more vocal participants think.

Susan Cain sums up the study by saying, “Most of Berns’ volunteers reported having gone along with the group because “they thought that they had arrived serendipitously at the same correct answer.” They were utterly blind, in other words, to how much their peers had influenced them.”

Bob Frick, in a Washington Post column used the term herding to describe this phenomenon.

This is even more concerning to those of us who work with teams and collaboratives in guiding their decision making. Not only are there conflict, territorialism, and trust issues in collaboration, but even when a group comes to the same conclusion, that conclusion may be faulty.

How do we hedge against such a threat to our collective decision making? Susan Cain provides a partial answer. She explores through multiple examples the importance of deliberate practice and personal space. I highly recommend reading her book for more details (particularly chapter 3).

One of her recommendations addresses the use of online collaboration. She provides some compelling arguments that the typical pitfalls of the New Groupthink are diminished when teams work in their own individual personal spaces but connect via technology.

“The evidence from science suggests that business people must be insane to use brainstorming groups,” writes the organizational psychologist Adrian Furnham. “If you have talented and motivated people, they should be encouraged to work alone when creativity or efficiency is the highest priority.” The one exception to this is online brainstorming. Groups brainstorming electronically, when properly managed, not only do better than individuals, research shows; the larger the group, the better it performs.” She extends this argument to include positing that academic researchers working from different locations collaborating electronically, produce more influential research than those who work alone or who collaborate face-to-face.

These arguments are intriguing in looking at how teams within an organization and organizations within a collaborative may best reduce the impact of the New Groupthink while leveraging the impact of collaboration.

When I work with organizations on strategic planning processes, I typically begin with interviews of stakeholders. I send the questions ahead of time. This provides individuals a chance to think through their answers before meeting with me either face to face or over the phone. Introverts have a chance to reflect and the interviews give me a chance to better understand the organization as a whole before having the stakeholders in a room together where group dynamics have an impact. I am able to learn not just about the traditional strengths, barriers, and opportunities for the organization, but also about the personalities, potential areas of conflict, and emerging priorities.

As a key part of a strategic planning process is not just the decisions made, but also the sense of ownership of those decisions, I take my clients through a mission, vision, and values statement process in a half-day retreat. Ideally, these retreats include Board, staff, and a sometimes a few outside stakeholders. Whether they have mission, vision, and values statements or will use those statements, the process of working together to identify “who we are”, “who we want to be”, and “what we value” provides a foundation for making shared decisions around priorities, goals, metrics, etc. for their strategic plan.

I provide individual reflection time and paired conversations in which board and staff listen to one other person deeply on their thoughts before moving into small and whole group work. This time of bonding and creating a shared sense of purpose is important. It may well be subject to the vagaries of groupthink, but the organization also benefits from the sense of oneness, ownership of the work, and kinship with one another.

Based on the current discussion of groupthink and the impact on decision making, I am considering shifting how I approach the second half day retreat where stakeholders make strategic decisions around goals, objectives, metrics, etc to develop a process that provides more online input either before, during, or after a face-to-face retreat.

A colleague of mine who works with a wide variety of stakeholders from artists, to non-profit organizations, to government and business leaders has developed an interesting hybrid method for small meetings. While facilitating the discussion, she keeps a a Google doc open for note taking. She invites the members of the meeting to join her in the note taking. This provides introverts a chance to add content without speaking. It also provides a shared method of documentation that may hedge against social loafing, production blocking, and evaluation apprehension.

Has your team or a collaborative you work with used one or more of the following online tools (check all that apply)?

In future posts, I will update you on pilots I conduct of hybrid models of face-to-face and online collaboration. In the meantime, join us for a discussion around strategies to address the barriers of  groupthink in teams and collaboratives on LinkedIN:  Discussion Group

Next week, we will explore the difficulties humans have with defining “us” and “them” and its impact on collaboration with the provocative question:  When are we just pretending to collaborate?

When Do I Matter, You Matter, and We Matter? Exploring the Pitfalls of Collaboration

As non-profit, team, and community leaders, you have been encouraged to collaborate. In fact, most of us take pride in our organizational commitment to and community culture of collaboration. And there are no shortage of articles from Forbes to Stanford  Social Innovation Review to Harvard Business Review extolling the virtues and providing guidance on collaboration.

When I asked over 60 non-profit, philanthropic, and agency leaders about what keeps them up at the night, some answered with comments like:

“sometimes not feeling confident enough to speak up when I should”

When I asked what gets them up in the morning, many answered their teams, working with collaborative partners, and the community. 

But, are we collaborating? And is collaboration always the right pathway? Who is best positioned to lead in collaboration?

We will be exploring these questions and more in the next few weeks with posts such as:

— When are we just pretending to collaborate?
— The Flipside of collaboration: When does group think lead to bad decisions?
— When are introverts ideal leaders?

In anticipation of the following series, this week, take a few moments to think about your experiences with collaboration and jot down your thoughts either in a journal or download this Collaboration Reflection Worksheet:

  1. What collaborations or coalitions have you participated in recently?
  2. What has gone well?
  3. What were some of the challenges?
  4. What was your or your organization’s role in the collaboration?
  5. What were the outcomes of the collaboration?

In the coming weeks, we will explore when and how to best leverage collaboration.

Choosing What Matters

In previous posts, we explored the mindset needed to choose what matters and questions that will help in shifting that mindset. Those steps are important, but once we have identified our opportunities, how do we decide?

Extend your questions to include:

  1. What are my choices?
  2. What evidence do I need to determine which choice to make?

Now ask yourself: How can I collect that evidence?

Some possible options include:

Collecting Evidence for Day-to-Day Decisions

To get a better sense of what kind of data to collect for the questions we brainstorm, let’s revisit the day-to-day staffing issue from last week. My client was frustrated with Sally’s performance. She had shifted to more positively worded questions where the questions she had brainstormed were encouraging her to explore the project needs, Sally’s needs and strengths, and match the two.  What evidence does she need to make that choice?

When you look at the questions you brainstormed for a smaller decision you need to make, take your time. Set your questions aside for a few hours or a day. Then begin looking at what data you need. Being in a positive frame of mind is important, so when you feel yourself getting frustrated, set it aside and revisit later.

Collecting Evidence for Larger Decisions

What if you are looking more inwardly though and need to collect data around the larger question: “Is it bad that I can’t think of 3 things that get me up the morning?” These larger questions may include more introspection. Here is where your emotions are important. As we explored a few Mondays ago, emotions are not decisions but rather are evidence for decisions.

Observation of yourself and others at meetings, during tasks, or on your way to work, become data that you can use to help you make a decision about your opportunities. In particular, take time to observe your emotional state and what precedes it. Are you calm and in the flow? What were you doing when you felt that way? Are you anxious or angry? What were you doing when you felt that way?

As you reflect on the data, the answers to your questions may not be immediate. You may want to add the following questions as you review the data you collected:

  • What matters to you personally?
  • What matters to your family?
  • What matters to your friends?
  • What matters to your larger community?
  • What aspects of your current situation can be changed if approached from a positive, inquiry lens?
  • What aspects of your current situation seem intractable or are outside of your ability to influence?
  • What opportunities do you see for yourself and others?
  • What investments do you need to make to leverage those opportunities?
  • What risks are involved in leveraging those opportunities?
  • Are you ready to address change (either within current or new role, organization, or industry)? If not, what do you need to do to be ready for change?

Determining What Matters Data Collection Handouts

 

Observation Form

Risks and Benefits Worksheet

Question and Evidence Brainstorming Worksheet

Determining what matters is a process. Enjoy the journey. Over the next few Mondays we will be exploring more issues around what matters including topics around:

Determining what matters

Getting what matters done

Felling like I matter, you matter, we matter

Funding what matters

 

Getting Unstuck: The Power of Questions

Last week we explored that place where all of us find ourselves from time to time. Stuck. Have you found yourself stuck in a mindset; reviewing the same insufficient options; worried or scared you will make the wrong decision? We have all felt stuck from time to time. When we are stuck, we have a tendency to point negative energy inward, outward, or both.

When you are feeling negative, do you typically point your emotions:

Mariliee Adams suggests in Change Your Questions Change Your Life, approaching issues from an inquiry mindset. In other words, rather than judging others or ourselves, what questions can we ask that help us to see the learning opportunities in even a bad situation? Marilee Adams suggestions we avoid questions like:

And ask questions more like:

These questions can be used for both small and large decisions. For a day-to-day staffing issue, the difference may look like this:

Initial Reaction

  1. What the hell is happening right now with Sally?
  2. Why is it so hard to communicate with her?
  3. How am I going to get her to follow through on the tasks I assigned?
  4. Is she purposely trying to sabotage the project?
  5. Am I just not able to give direction?
  6. Is it possible that I am not ready to manage someone else?
  7. Do I have what it takes for this project?
  8. Does Sally know something I don’t know?

Take a look at the list of questions above, how does the list make you feel? Notice your physiological reaction. Is your breath quick? Is your chest tight? How is your posture when you are reading those questions?

More Positively Worded Questions

  1. What assumptions am I making about Sally and my relationship?
  2. What is Sally feeling or thinking?
  3. What am I feeling or thinking?
  4. What are the goals of the project?
  5. What are the tasks that would help us meet those goals?
  6. Are there other ways to approach the project?
  7. What are Sally’s strengths?
  8. How can I match Sally’s strengths to the goals and tasks of the project?

How does the second list make you feel? Is your breath slower, Is your heart rate slower? How is your posture?

So how about for the quandary posed last week: Is it bad that I can’t think of three things that get me up in the morning professionally? If this question resonated with you, you are not alone. If you wonder if you picked the right field, the right organization, the right role, you are not alone.

Questions to ask to shift your mindset

For my client who faced the double whammy of feeling overwhelmed by the barriers to meeting client needs and undervalued by staff, the questions he asked made a big difference in his ability to see ways to address the issues in front of him and explore other possible ventures. He asked himself questions such as:

This is where emotions are evidence. If you do not feel inspired and motivated by the questions you brainstorm to solve the issue at hand but you are inspired and motivated by the questions that have you looking beyond your current position, you may be ready for a change.

For my other client, where anger and battle were her go-to emotions, she asked herself:

      

Think of a situation you are facing right now at work. It can be large or small. Take 10 minutes this week to pour yourself a cup of your favorite beverage. Make a list of questions you have about that situation.

What Matters Question Worksheet

Now mark those questions as positive or negative. If you noticed that you have mostly (or completely) negatively worded questions, look above for some of Marilee Adam’s inspired learner-based questions to add more positively word questions to your list.

For the next week, practice asking questions. Set them aside and revisit them. When you are satisfied that they are helpful questions, take some time to answer them. Next Monday, we will add observation and data collection to help us get unstuck and determine What Matters.

Is it bad that I can’t think of 3 things about work that get me up in the morning?

When I asked organizational leaders, what are the top 3 work related things that get them up in the morning, one respondent answered, my question with a question: “Is it bad that I can’t think of three things…?” Others, gave glib answers like coffee, knowing it is a Friday, etc. You are not alone if you find yourself struggling. Struggling to be motivated in the morning to go to work, if you dread that commute, your tasks, your coworkers, the stress. But does it mean that your current position and current organization are a bad fit? Maybe. Maybe not. How do you determine if it is? And if you determine it is a bad fit, how do you determine what’s next? If you determine it is not a bad fit, what’s next? How do you reengage?

How often do you struggle to be motivated in the morning to go to work?

Typically, when our decisions are fraught with strong emotions, we fall into a fight or flight pattern.  We may be tempted to make a quick angry decision to quell our negative feelings or we may shut down and find ourselves disconnected from our work or our organization; overwhelmed by apathy.

One of my clients found himself feeling disconnected from his organization. Every morning was a struggle. After years of working his way through his organization to roles with increasing responsibility and influence, he found his current role lonely and frustrating. He was no longer working directly with clients, but he also found it difficult to make the systemic changes required at his level of leadership.  He wasn’t sure if the barriers were surmountable and he had started to question if he was the right person to address them. His organization faced resource constraints. Those constraints and some changes in leadership had stirred up some smoldering tensions among the staff. Those tensions left him drained at the end of each day and dreading the drama each morning. One day, he was unable to find a good solution to an issue a staff member brought to him that impacted several client families. That afternoon, he overheard staff grumbling about a policy change he had instituted to address the resource constraints. His frustration bubbled over. He was ready to simply throw in the towel and move on to another endeavor. It was tempting to use the situation as a catalyst to start looking for his next venture.

Another of my clients found herself feeling combative.  Every morning was a struggle.  She and the organization were bumping up against barriers to serving their stakeholders that included competition with other organizations who could have been partners.  This feeling of frustration had been mounting for some time but came to a head when she found herself in conflict with another organizational leader at a community meeting. The meeting had been heated and had left her angry and agitated. She was ready to take that organization on head first – to call them out on their unwillingness to work with others and collaborate. She was ready for a fight.

The trouble with making decisions when we are emotional though is that high emotions cloud our thinking.  We only see exits and battles. Emotions shouldn’t be used as a decision-making process.  We don’t need to discount emotions entirely, especially for personal decisions. But our emotional responses to a situation should be treated as evidence or information that goes into decision making and not the decision itself. In order for my clients to use their strong emotions in their decision making, they needed to first shut down their fight or flight response.  To do so requires a new perspective.

Shawn Achor in his second book: Before Happiness, argues that beyond IQ, beyond even Emotional and Social Intelligence, happiness and success are dependent on “the ability to see a reality in which success is possible.”  This is not to say that we all need to ignore a negative reality. It does not mean that either of my clients should have ignored their anger, frustration, apathy, and feelings of unease. These emotional responses are real and are evidence that a decision needs to be made. What Shawn Achor argues though is that in order to move forward (in our current positions or in new endeavors) we need to know that we have agency in changing that reality (or at least our role in it).  Success, according to Achor, is “not just about how much intelligence you have; it is about how much of your intelligence you believe you can use.” It requires us to use our IQ, our emotional, and our social intelligence, but in order to do so successfully, we need to change the frame through which we see possible realities. There are many ways to change our frame: meditation, exercise, engaging in new learning opportunities, etc. One of the most direct means though is to develop our first sight and our second thoughts.

As was explained to Tiffany Aching in Terry Prachett’s hilarious book: Wee Free Men:  “First Sight is when you see what’s really there, not what your heid tells you ought to be there.” Tiffany later gives an example of second thoughts: “But she was aware of hundreds of nervous faces in the shadows. How you deal with this is going to be important, said her Second Thoughts.” As a leader, you are good at providing first sight and second thoughts for others. You see the possibilities for your stakeholders, your staff, your community. You step back and think about your approach before you act. It is what has gotten you to where you are in your career. What can be tricky is seeing those possibilities for yourself or when yours and others’ emotions are running high.

Find some time this week to take 10 minutes to have a cup of tea, coffee, a glass of wine, a beer…(whatever your favorite beverage is) with yourself. Reflect on (and jot down) the times when you have experienced negative emotions, what options did you see? When you were experiencing positive emotions, what options did you see? Was there a difference based on your mood in the number of options you perceived, the quality of the options, the creativity in the options?

Observing Emotions Worksheet

Next Monday, we will explore asking questions as a means to shift our perspective and the options we see as available to us.

You Are Not Alone: Exploring What Matters

You are not alone. It can feel that way when you are running through today’s to do list while racing to that first breakfast meeting; when you wake up in the middle of the night remembering that difficult conversation; when you stay late going over the budget or finishing a proposal hoping you have enough funding for your staff. But you are not alone.

It can feel that way when you are

“Wondering if I really have what it takes”

“Feeling like I’m never doing enough”

It can feel that way when you think:

“There are times that I have ABSOLUTELY NO CLUE what I’m doing and there is no real playbook to help me figure it out”

or

“I am an imposter”

You are not alone. Everyone feels overwhelmed, under skilled, lost, fake…from time to time.

Do you struggle with feeling like you or your work is not enough?

These four quotes are just a sampling of the dozens of fears expressed by smart, dedicated, and competent non-profit, government agency, and philanthropic leaders answering a survey I sent out in February asking, in part, about what keeps them up at night. In the work that I do with scores of organizations, I get to hear about leaders’ passions and fears.

We, as humans, all want to know that what we do matters. We all want to create and contribute to what matters, and we all want to (to a greater or lesser extent) do so in community with others. These three desires drive why we get out of bed in the morning. They also drive our fears as we tend to classify our anxieties around feeling inadequate or held back by others. Leaders surveyed echoed what I hear from them in my work about what keeps them up at night and what gets them up in the morning.

Determining what matters

Getting what matters done

Feeling like I matter, you matter, and we matter

Funding what matters

My hope with this blog is to share some of what I have learned from leaders in the civic space with you and to help you see that you are not alone. Leaders I work with have shared their tools for fostering resilience, confidence, and resourcefulness. Over the next few months, we will explore topics like:

 

This blog is inspired by the great work and ideas of the many leaders and organizations I have had the honor to work with over the years. I hope it will continue as a conversation and grow from the needs and ideas of those of you helping to make our civic spaces more vibrant for all. Please jump in with comments and questions below, answer polls, and share this blog with others. I will be posting each Monday morning. Start your week out with some thoughtful conversation on What Matters.